Four ways parents can help their children bounce back stronger from life’s ups and downs

As a mother and child psychiatrist at Manning Family Children's, I understand the importance of equipping young minds with the essential tools to overcome life’s obstacles. As children mature, they inevitably will encounter a multitude of life’s challenges that require the need to develop resilience.  

However, setbacks also offer children opportunities to learn, grow, and build resilience as they navigate the complexities of life. Encouraging them to face these challenges with a positive mindset, providing support, and teaching them healthy coping mechanisms are crucial for their emotional development. 

Below are four essential strategies that I have personally found effective in promoting resilience in children. These strategies not only draw from my expertise as a child psychiatrist but also from my experience as a mother who always strives to provide the best possible guidance for my children.  

Four strategies to cultivate resilience in children 

• Embracing setbacks as learning opportunities: When children experience setbacks, such as frustrations, disappointments or challenging situations, it is essential to acknowledge their emotions and avoid minimizing their experiences. These hurdles are a common aspect of everyone’s journey. While attempting to help them gain perspective, it is equally important to validate their feelings. For example, sharing personal experiences of setbacks and frustrations can demonstrate that such challenges are a normal (and expected) part of life. Listen to your kids and allow them to vent openly. Let them know you are there for them and ready to support them no matter what. By relating to them in this way, you normalize the process of overcoming obstacles and emphasize that your love is unconditional, and not tied to their performance. 

• Commending the process, not just the outcome: Recognizing the effort invested in a task holds equal importance to celebrating the end result. Whether your child encounters defeat in a sports competition, grapples with academic challenges, or experiences rejection from friends or a date, it’s important to acknowledge their dedication, hard work, and willingness to take risks. When they face academic difficulties, we should commend the additional time and effort they invested in comprehending complex concepts. In moments of rejection, we should highlight the courage it took for them to put themselves out there, assuring them more opportunities will come their way. Failures serve as important stepping stones towards personal growth and development. 

• Nurturing passions and strengths: Recognizing that not everyone excels at every endeavor is an important life lesson. While it’s admirable to explore various interests, individuals often have specific strengths in which they can truly excel. Encouraging your children to discover and commit to pursuits that ignite their passion empowers them to flourish. Whether it’s baking, sports, art, playing the piano, or any other pursuit, providing a supportive space for them to explore, take risks, and express their creativity nurtures their confidence and resilience.

• Cultivating perseverance: Imparting the value of persistence is crucial, particularly in our fast-paced world. Encouraging patience when faced with challenges and emphasizing the learning process during struggles helps build resilience. Supporting young ones through difficulties by acknowledging their emotions, offering a breather when needed, and encouraging them to approach problems from different angles fosters the mindset that they are capable of conquering challenges. I encourage my children to practice patience when they encounter frustration and I consistently remind them to approach difficult challenges one step at a time. 

In a society driven by quick results and immediate feedback, it is important to communicate to your children that encountering difficulties does not equate to failure. Reminding children that they are capable of overcoming challenges and “doing hard things” empowers them to navigate setbacks with resilience, ultimately equipping them with the life lessons and skills necessary for their journey ahead. 

To learn more about Mental and Behavioral Services at Manning Family Children’s, visit:  
Mental and Behavioral Health Services | Manning Family Children's